After you went on your first date and you shared the details with one of your friends, a word that might’ve come up in conversation was “compatible”. In the context of relationships, it’s used quite a bit. When two people are truly compatible it literally means that they are able to live in harmony with one another; there are clear signs that they are able to co-exist without a lot of drama.
Unfortunately, a lot of people have sex too soon (mistake #1) or wait until they are emotionally attached (mistake #2) to contemplate if they are truly compatible or not. We want to help you to avoid all of that.
Once you’ve gotten a few dates under your belt, it’s OK---advised even---to go deeper. To ask some questions that will help both of you to see if you’re merely attracted to each other or if you’re truly a match.
How can you know for sure? Consider the following.
Do you have the same values?
There are a lot of couples who fall in love with one another and then decide to have the “What are your values?” conversation. Sometimes, the answers lead to devastation. For instance, say that you’re a family person, but you’re involved with someone who is not close to theirs or hates the thought of traveling on the holidays. Or, maybe you’ve always wanted to be married and they are perfectly content dating (forever). Maybe you want kids and they can’t stand them. Maybe you’re religious and they are atheist. See how stuff can start to get complicated? In order to live in harmony with someone, you need to have values that are similar to one another. Or, you need to be someone who is neutral on some issues. Find all of this out sooner than later. For your time and your heart’s sake.
Do you see the same things for your future?
Do you both have similar desires for the future? Say that you want to stay in the city you are in now, get a house and raise a family. Meanwhile, they want to leave their job within a year and tour the world. Although no one can totally predict what will happen up the road, most of us make plans that fit into what we want to accomplish. Do you all’s reflect walking together or growing apart?
Do you have a strong attraction to each other?
Attraction isn’t everything or the only thing, but it is important. You need someone who you don’t have to convince yourself to kiss or be intimate with. You might be surprised by how many people have met someone who was nice, they weren’t physically into and so they “forced” themselves to be in the relationship anyway. That’s called settling. Both of you deserve much better.
Do you “fight fair”?
Have you ever heard the quote “The couple who never fights has a lot of secrets”? There’s quite a bit of truth in that. There’s nothing wrong with disagreeing with your partner. The problem comes in when it’s yelling, hitting below the belt, not speaking for days or if it gets physical. A healthy couple looks for resolution, even when they are fighting. Would you say that the two of you fight fair?
Do you make each other better?
There’s absolutely no point in being in a relationship with someone who makes you worse instead of better. Since being with them, you’re more upset. You feel bad about yourself. You’re less confident and ambitious. What’s the point in sending yourself through all of that? If you’re truly compatible with someone, they are going to be your best cheerleader and a dependable shoulder of support. They are going to make life easier, not more difficult. With them by your side, you’ll be able to accomplish more, not less.
Can you totally be yourself?
Please don’t EVER leave this one out! When you’re a true match for someone, you’ll be like two puzzle pieces that fit. But here’s the thing. Remember that puzzle pieces are different. Each is unique. The key to a compatible relationship is neither one is trying to be someone they are not just to make the relationship work. If you feel totally comfortable in their space, feel good about the relationship. You are really onto something. BIG.