Bustle published an article stating that close to half of all women fantasize about someone else while having sex. While they cited that fantasies begin at a young age and can actually be healthy for the relationship, we have our own theories.
There are a lot of people whose bodies are in one place while their minds are somewhere else simply because, hate to say it, the sex with their spouse sucks. Not due to a lack of love or even trying to make sex better. It’s just that some couples are not communicating their needs. Or worse, one or both of them are assuming that they’re holding it down while their partner is afraid to hurt their feelings by letting them know that it's actually the exact opposite.
Life is too short to tolerate bad sex. And yes, you can quote us on that! So, if you’re not getting all that you want in the bedroom with your man---and you’re not quite sure how to bring it up to him---forward this article. Here’s hoping he catches the not-so-subtle-hint!
Foreplay Happens WAY Before The Bedroom
We did some digging around and it appears that 33 percent of people have foreplay sessions that lasts less than 10 minutes. We’re not impressed, are you? One mistake that a lot of men make is they start foreplay right before they’re ready to get it on. Then many of them end up rushing the process like it’s a literal race to the finish. That’s problem #1. However, there’s one bigger than that.
The biggest sex organ has nothing to do with genitalia. It’s actually the mind. A man who’s really a master at foreplay is waking you up with a good morning kiss, flirting with you via text during the day, bringing home dinner and offering to clean up the kitchen so you can chill out for a moment, drawing you a bath (at least every once in a while), rubbing your feet
and then working his way up.
Translation: a man who is good at foreplay knows that the less stressed you are and the more appreciated you feel, the closer you’ll want to be to him. How’s your hubby doing in this department?
Lubrication Is Important (EXTREMELY)
When you’re not as aroused as you’d like to be, it affects the sex for the both of you. Some men are so excited that they don’t really put much thought into this fact. UNFORTUNATELY. But yes, as a woman, you know that the more lubricated you are, the better the experience is from start to finish. Drinking more water can help in this department. You can also purchase lubes like KY-Jelly. Or you can make your own. Wanna try it? Click
Breasts Are A Big Deal
If your husband is a breasts man, you can totally skip over this point. We’re pretty sure he has this covered. But if he’s not, you might want to talk to him about how much of an erogenous zone breasts are. One reason is because the nipples are EXTREMELY SENSITIVE in the very best way possible. If you have a man who barely graces---or is it grazes?!---them, redirect his focus. When he sees the response he gets, he’ll remember next time to pay them much more attention.
Silence Is A Downer
Some people are audio learners. Others are
audio lovers. Yeah, there are men who are shy about talking during sex. It's because they don’t know what to say or they think you’ll find what comes out of their mouth to be funny or corny.
Nothing like a little coaching to get them through it! Ask questions. When he does what you like, do something that will get him to say it more (often). Lead by example by talking dirty to him. And this doesn’t have to start in the bedroom. Call him and tell him what's going to happen the next time the two of you are together. Ask him what he’s been fantasizing about. Pretty soon, you won’t be able to get him to shut up. And that’ll be a good thing!
Routine Is Boring
Always in the bedroom. Always at the same time. Always in the same position. BOR-ING. A lot of married couples struggle in the sex department, not due to a lack of interest or even technique. It’s just that everything has become super predictable. Sadly, a lot of men think that they are the only ones who like spontaneity. Prove your man wrong by surprising him with some outside-of-y’all’s-box sex. Need some inspiration? Click
Orgasms Are Literally The Icing On The Cake
Some quick orgasm facts. Condoms do not affect their potency. The older you get, the better they’ll be (reportedly, they’re easy to have with age). They help to reduce pain, provide energy and (get this) if you have high self-esteem, you’re more likely to have them. Why? We think it has something to do with the better you feel about yourself, the freer you are during the sexual experience.
There’s one more thing to keep in mind. Only 33 percent of women report having orgasms during sex and (wow!) close to 80 percent struggle with vaginal orgasms. Directing your man to where your G-spot is can definitely help matters (click
here). At the same time, let him know that while no one is looking to turn down a good orgasm, sex can be really great without it.
A man who only looks to give his wife an orgasm is missing the point of spiritually and emotionally connecting
and taking one’s sweet time. Like the title says, orgasms should be seen as the icing on the cake. The icing should be a bonus not the goal. Remind him that it’s more about having his cake and (umm) eating it too!