Some days are just shit. You can be the biggest Pollyanna in the world, but every so often, life sneaks up and says:
There are only two known antidotes to such a day: alcohol and laughter. I wholeheartedly support both those choices. As this isn't a liquor store, hopefully these funny movie quotes will slap a smile on that face and make you laugh your sorry ass off.
On pubes from "How To Be Single"
"Is that Tom Hanks from
Cast Away?" -Robin (Rebel Wilson), asking about her friend's pubic hair
On crazy diets from "The Devil Wears Prada"
Andy (Anne Hathaway): "You look so thin."
Emily (Emily Blunt): "Do I? Oh it's for Paris. Well, I'm on this new diet. It's very effective. Well, I don't eat anything. And then when I feel like I'm about to faint, I eat a cube of cheese."
Andy: "Well, it's definitely working."
Emily: "I know. I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."
On painful waxing from "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"
Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell): "Ahhhhhhh Kelly Clarkson!"
On friendship from "Spaceballs"
Barf (John Candy): “I'm a MOG - half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.”
On having the necessary knowledge from "Airplane"
Elaine Dickinson (Julie Hagerty): “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encounter. There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”
On knowing where you belong from "Mean Girls"
Damian Leigh (Daniel Franzese): "She doesn't even go here!"
On breakfast foods from "Shrek"
Donkey (Eddie Murphy): "We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!"
On toasts from "The Hangover"
Alan Garner (Galifianakis): "Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!"
On milking from "Meet the Parents"
Dina Byrnes (Blythe Danner): "I had no idea you could milk a cat!"
Greg Focker (Ben Stiller): "Oh, you can milk just about anything with nipples."
Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro): "I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?"
On being trapped from "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd): "Ron, where are you?"
Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell): "Ahhhh! I'm in a glass case of emotion!"
On family from "Borat"
Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baron Cohen): "She is my sister. She is number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. Nice."
On true love from "Best in Show"
Sherri Ann Cabot (Jennifer Coolidge): "We have an amazing relationship and it's very physical. I mean, he still pushes all my buttons. And um, people say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what? I'm the one having to push him away. Yea, we both have so much in common. We both love soup and uh, we love the outdoors. Uhhh, we love snow peas and uh talking and not talking. Uhhhh, we could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."